This Thing: The Oppositelock Review

"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee) 08/19/2018 at 13:35 • Filed to: Oppo review

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Well, less a review and more a collection of random thoughts about it. An actual review is more effort than this car really deserves.

First impressions: it’s pink. Good god, it’s pink. Why is it pink.

Exterior: it has like one good angle that’s about it. Still haven’t found that good angle yet but it’s gotta have one, right?

Interior: It’s fine. Surprisingly roomy. The piano black bezel around the screen feels flimsy but otherwise everything seems well put together. I like the motorcycle gauge cluster.

This is like the Great Value brand of door card.

Engine: it has one. Makes the car go. Honestly it’s too meh for me to even bother switching tabs to wikipedia while writing this to find out what’s in this thing.

Transmission: what the hell does “I” mean?!

Driving impressions: Power steering is way too boosted. Probably don’t even need it in a car this size. Handling is not confidence inspiring. Feels like it’s going to fall over even driving straight at 5mph.

Sound: I didn’t know you could still get a car with a four speaker sound system. Sounds like there’s a cheap stereo in the room adjacent to the one you’re sitting in.

Why is this peeling the car only has 44k miles

The mirrors are half as large as they need to be, they’re shaped too stupidly to be useful, and they look like they were hacked into the quarter windows as an afterthought when some designer realized they forgot to include them.

Final Score: this is the Britta Perry of cars.

Tristan > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/19/2018 at 14:20

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TL;DR cheap Korean rebadged  shitbox is a cheap shitbox. Also, pink.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Tristan 08/19/2018 at 14:22

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Ya more or less 

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/19/2018 at 14:34

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Pardon my French, but what a POS

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 08/19/2018 at 14:40

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Pink of shit?

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/19/2018 at 15:14

4

When I drove a spark, I couldn’t stop laughing at how terrible it was. It actually made me enjoy it to some degree after some time driving the thing. It was wayyyy too top heavy and it only had two speeds, stopped and floored. There was absolutely no “medium speed” where you could just putz around town. Like sure, most economy cars are kind of slow but they usually nowadays can just drive at a casual pace and not feel dangerous. With the Spark, it required foot to the floor acceleration to not feel dangerous. It made my Miata feel like an absolute rocketship! The Miata also had more trunk space, making the Spark feel really quite stupid. But in the end, I just enjoyed driving that car at 11/10ths while going 30mph. I even managed to pass someone on a 2 Lane back road (with a tailwind and slight downhill and VERY slowly). It was a lovely shit box to beat the shit out of. I was absolutely confused though why someone would buy one, when a frigging versa is both faster and cheaper and better in every way.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 08/19/2018 at 16:13

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I'm very thankful I didn't have to take this thing on the highway

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/19/2018 at 16:34

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“Why is this peeling the car only has 44k miles”

Because GM Daewoo build quality?

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/19/2018 at 19:44

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Haha I drove it for like 12 hours round trip so that's why I had so many thoughts on it. I wished I had just taken the Miata instead. But I had figured it was a work trip and two of us were going so taking the Miata would have been impractical. Now I know that I'm better off just using the Miata, it will work as long as I don't have more passengers always. 

TheCarsInYourPostIfTheYearWas1990 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/19/2018 at 19:52

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GM always had a thing for small, pink cars.

pip bip - choose Corrour > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/20/2018 at 06:50

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1200cc of throbbing power!

in Korea and Europe there is also a 1000cc engine of pure power!

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 08/20/2018 at 10:38

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Simple, because America. 

greasemonkey235097 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 08/20/2018 at 18:03

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blah blah blah blah... you pansies! i drove the previous gen in south america. 5 speed, no power steering. air bag for drive r only. power windows only for the front. and manage to pack 6 people in it in mountain roads. good times!

punkgoose17 > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 08/20/2018 at 20:35

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I see these at advertised prices lower than the Versa, also Chevy has more dealers. It is just the American Mitsubishi Mirage.